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[Dec. 25th, 2008|11:21 am] |
it's unreal how your life can completely flip-flop in one year.
i look at least year, this time and now and i shudder.
it's a lonely, work-filled holiday season & i'm waiting (un)patiently for it to all end so I can breathe a sigh of relief again. everyone says that you just need to make it through the holidays. i'm hoping that's the case.
indianapolis sucks. i have at least another year to be able to transfer to Toronto and i'm counting down the months.
now to find a grocery store open on christmas day. fuck. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 28th, 2008|12:54 pm] |
I'm 24 years old and I have no clue what I want out of life.
At all.
whoa. i'm having a midlife crisis already.
moving this weekend. wicker park here i come. i plan on eating kefir everyday and enjoy the fact that i actually live both close to downtown and all the western neighborhoods. no more boring logan square! yippy! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 18th, 2008|10:06 am] |
Normally the latest events would constitute a seemingly negative entry, but I'm going to take one from Aura and try to post the slightly positive things going on at the moment:
justin and i hung out a few times this week. he's been sending me ambiguous emails as I have him and i think we just needed some time together. unfortunately, we just fell directly into old habits and two months later it felt exactly the same as when we were together. mind you this was very comforting that we haven't changed. i have a feeling our "friendship" is going to be like this for a while and while that's what he wants, it's not what I want. I miss him terribly and it felt so comforting to be in his presence again. he won't be able to go back to work because his leg isn't healing quickly enough so his old employer wants to settle in court meaning he's out of a job and basically the career he loved so much. he has plans for the future and i'm so proud of him for wanting something that will make him happy. if only it could bring him out of his alcoholism and his fear of serious commitment & domesticity. i'm not holding onto him but cherishing the times we are spending together. only time can really tell and i think we both know of the indestructible bond we do have and that it won't be filled by anyone for either of us. it's funny how a little alcohol can lead him to saying he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, take part in his newest venture and that he loves me unconditionally, but just can't do it now. we also both admitted that Saturday night was the best "date" we have ever had. he's immature for a 30-year old. That's for sure. At least I'm seeing him surround himself with some more positive people even though his activities have been just as destructive. Time can only tell. Right now, I'm really happy with my life and he is the slight defect (defective in a I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND DON'T WANT TO LOSE HIM type of way).
i was supposed to move into my new apartment on Friday. i knew it wouldn't be happening because they were quite a bit behind on the remodeling. now of course I cannot get a hold of the landlord. i spoke with our rental agent and he's been having the same problem as well. I'm hoping to move in this week. I have fallen in love with wicker park again after spending so much time there lately and will be grateful to be near all the "action" living down there. I'm crossing my fingers that i'll be in there by the end of the week. my momma is coming into town and i would give anything for her to spend some time in our new place.
as to this new boy, i'm over it. he became way too overwhelming almost instantly. i don't know how i have this affect on people. either the man is not remotely interested or their obsessive. even with justin, it was like that but i was equally obsessive with him and that's why we jumped into it so quickly. i've got to speak with this guy tonight and tell him that i'm just not ready to be seeing anyone, let alone casually (even though he's pushing it being much more then casual).
Work is going great. I'm getting more responsibilities and building a portfolio. I love it.
I've met some really great people over the past few months. So comforting in knowing that there are amazing people in this city.
Ok, i am positive-ed out. This wasn't even that positive, but it made me feel slightly better.
Chicago was apocolyptic this weekend. The air show totally freaks me out. Three days of low flying planes and crazy noises. There was seriously a point yesterday morning where I felt the world was coming to a very sunny end.
I'm in some dire need of clarity. I have a feeling it'll all be coming soon. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 7th, 2008|11:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  morose | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Manhattan Skyline-Kings of Convenience | ] |
It's so hard to step back and watch as some one you love slowly kills all their dreams(even if it's out of their control) & their life.
I cannot do anything about it anymore & need to pretend it's not happening.
I move into my new apartment next Friday. We have a wine fridge and exposed brick walls. Thank you Chicago for still having reasonable rent with luxury features.
Growing up is weird. Especially when you feel trapped in a 18 year old mindset. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2008|04:41 pm] |
I'm staying in Chicago. It's official. I don't think I can handle "small-city" life again. Especially not suburban. I need to grow up anyways and suck it up. I get to stay at my job I love and I'm going to have a fun roommate.
Currently I love/hate life. Love growing up and finding myself again. Hate that we broke down and spent time together last friday and then just per chance taking a friend home after the Dark Knight last night had to drive by his (our) old house and he was on the porch with some lady-friend at 3am.
I can't trust anyone anymore. |
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